Colossians– Chapter Three XLII

by Ed Urzi

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

It is an unfortunate reality, but some children spend their lives desperately trying -and often failing- to live up to the unrealistic expectations of a parent. Other children are teased, mocked, or treated cruelly in one form or another. Then there are those children who fall victim to hurtful jokes or comments, destructive sarcasm, undue criticism, or other, similar interactions with various family members.

Colossians 3:21 warns against engaging in this type of behavior and specifically instructs fathers to avoid exasperating, provoking, or irritating their children. In practical terms, a conscientious parent can implement this guidance in several different ways. For example, a wise father will take a child’s age, personality, and emotional makeup into account when interacting with him or her. While there is no guarantee that the actions of a father will not irritate his child, it is important to avoid intentionally doing so.

A father can also implement this directive by ensuring that other family members do not establish an environment where smaller or weaker children are habitually irritated, provoked, or similarly afflicted.

In addition, we can expand this idea to include the need to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for a child. While it is good and appropriate for a father to encourage his children to pursue excellence in developing their God-given abilities, it is important for a father to avoid being overly ambitious in his assessment of them. In other words, a discerning father should avoid setting his expectations so high that his children will never realistically achieve them.

Some other potential dangers may include some or all of the following…

  • Living vicariously through a child’s accomplishments.
  • Pushing a child toward greater achievement because it reflects well upon the parent.
  • Living in a manner that is habitually inconsistent with what the parent professes to believe.

Finally, it is probably fair to say that most parents do the best they can in raising their children. Yet even if a father has failed to set the right example for his children, this should not prevent him from seeking God’s empowerment to overcome the mistakes of the past. A father who seeks to restore or establish a God-honoring relationship with his children should make the following passage from the New Testament epistle of James a foundation of his daily prayer life…

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5 NIV).