“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21 HCSB).
While children are given the responsibility to obey their parents, parents also carry several important responsibilities as well. For instance, Colossians 3:21 tells us that a God-honoring father must take steps to avoid provoking his children. One version of this passage clarifies this responsibility in a manner that is easily accessible to 21st century audiences: “Fathers, don’t over-correct your children, or they will grow up feeling inferior and frustrated” (Phillips).
This wisdom behind this passage predates similar modern-day conclusions by thousands of years. But perhaps even more surprising is the cultural environment that served as the backdrop for this message. While Colossians 3:21 may appear to represent some common-sense instruction, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children…” was a revolutionary concept for its time.
You see, children had very few rights in the Greco-Roman culture of first-century Colossae. For example, a parent could legally abandon an unwanted child or sell a child into slavery during that time. An infant born with a birth defect might be killed without fear of legal reprisal. Furthermore, a newborn child had no legal recognition in that era unless the father officially recognized that child as a son or daughter. This may explain why this admonition is specifically directed to fathers.
Three sources discuss some other important aspects of this passage…
“Fathers exasperate their children by: being inconsiderate, being too demanding, being over-corrective, and being unjust and severe. Parents also provoke their children by continual faultfinding, always frowning, never smiling, and holding other children up as examples. The twig is to be bent with caution, not broken.” (1)
“While children must obey both parents, the father (pateron) has the primary responsibility for his children as head of the household. For this reason Paul addressed the ‘fathers’ here. What is in view here, with the words ‘do not exasperate,’ is the habitual provoking of children by insensitive parents, especially fathers. ‘Since like begets like, a parent who provokes will produce a child of strife. Such provocation makes unreasonable demands on the child, humiliates him, and manifests no loving understanding of his unique personality. It is marked by constant nagging.'” (2)
“Parents, and specially fathers, are urged not to irritate their children by being so unreasonable in their demands that their children lose heart and come to think that it is useless trying to please their parents.” (3)
A father who follows this exhortation is someone who builds the right kind of example for his child to follow. He will help instill positive characteristics for his children to reproduce in the lives of their own children and establish a good foundation for them to follow Christ.
(1) Hindson, E. E., & Kroll, W. M. (Eds.). (1994). KJV Bible Commentary (p. 2465). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.
(2) Constable, Thomas. DD. and Gromacki, Robert G. Stand Perfect in Wisdom. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1984, pg. 150, quoted in Notes on Colossians 2019 Edition Dr. Thomas L. Constable (3:21), https://www.planobiblechapel.org/tcon/notes/html/nt/colossians/colossians.htm#_ftn306
(3) Bruce, F.F quoted in Guzik, David Colossians 3 – Put Off, Put On © Copyright – Enduring Word https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/colossians-3/