“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them” (Colossians 3:18-19 NET).
We should guard against the tendency to superimpose an alternative view of “submission” that is not supported by the context of the passage quoted above. For instance, the instructions given to wives in this passage carry some important implications for the husband as well…
“The text does not call on wives to render blind obedience to their husbands but rather to offer submission to the husbands’ leadership consistent with the ethical demands of the gospel (‘as is fitting in the Lord’). The result is a form of male leadership that did not conform to the patriarchal patterns of the day but instead was modeled on the servant leadership of Christ.” (1)
Its also important to note what this verse says and what it doesn’t. For instance, this passage does not compel one gender to submit to the other. Instead, this verse tells us that each wife is entrusted with the responsibility to apply this principle solely within the context of her marital relationship with her husband.
In addition, each marriage partner carries an equal responsibility to acknowledge the other’s God-given abilities and voluntarily submit to one another in recognition of those qualities. This general principle is expressed in the New Testament book of Ephesians where we are told, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).
For instance, a wise and conscientious husband will assess the areas where God has gifted his marriage partner with skills and abilities that exceed his own. He will acknowledge her God-given proficiency in respect to those areas and customarily defer (or submit) to her judgment in the decision-making process. In doing so, he will allow “…reverence for Christ” to guide and direct the daily decisions of life. This should help enable both partners to experience the satisfaction that comes through the fulfillment of their individual roles.
Finally, one might object to the use of the term “submit” with the claim that it undermines the equality of the marriage partners. While this may seem to be a legitimate objection, it suffers from at least one critical flaw. While each partner assumes different responsibilities within their marital relationship, this does not necessarily make them “unequal.” Instead, it is more appropriate to view this passage in relation to the roles and functions that exist among co-equal marriage partners.
(1) Cabal, T., Brand, C. O., Clendenen, E. R., Copan, P., Moreland, J. P., & Powell, D. (2007). The Apologetics Study Bible: Real Questions, Straight Answers, Stronger Faith (p. 1786). Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers.