“The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, as some regard slowness, but is being patient toward you, because he does not wish for any to perish but for all to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9 NET).
We can work through several challenging aspects of this passage with the help of various commentators. Our first source sets an appropriate foundation for our look at this verse…
“[The Lord] can’t be waiting for everyone to be saved, since the emphasis is that He will destroy the world and the ungodly. Those who do perish and go to hell, go because they are depraved and worthy only of hell and have rejected the only remedy, Jesus Christ, not because they were created for hell and predetermined to go there. The path to damnation is the path of a non-repentant heart; it is the path of one who rejects the person and provision of Jesus Christ and holds on to sin (cf. Is 55:1; Jer 13:17; Eze 18:32; Mt 11:28; 23:37; Lk 13:3; Jn 3:16; 8:21, 24; 1Ti 2:3, 4; Rev 22:17).” (1)
Another commentary directs our attention to the tension between God’s desire (or His desiderative will), and what He decrees (or His decretive will)…
“Unless God’s will is viewed on the two planes of his desiderative and decretive will (what he desires and what he decrees), hopeless confusion will result. The scriptures amply illustrate both that God sometimes decrees things that he does not desire and desires things that he does not decree. It is not that his will can be thwarted, nor that he has limited his sovereignty. But the mystery of God’s dealings with humanity is best seen if this tension is preserved. Otherwise, either God will be perceived as good but impotent or as a sovereign taskmaster. Here the idea that God does not wish for any to perish speaks only of God’s desiderative will, without comment on his decretive will.” (2)
Our final commentator addresses this reference to “those who perish” in response to an age-old question: “How can a good God send people to hell?”
“This question assumes that God sends people to hell against their will. But this is not the case. God desires everyone to be saved (see 2 Peter 3:9). Those who are not saved do not will to be saved. Jesus said, ‘O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing’ (Matthew 23:37). As C. S. Lewis put it, ‘The door of hell is locked on the inside.’ All who go there choose to do so. Lewis added: ‘There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end,’ Thy will be done.’ All that are in hell, choose it.'” (3)
(1) John F. MacArthur Jr., The MacArthur Study Bible: New American Standard Bible. (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2006), 2 Pe 3:9.
(2) NET Bible notes on 2 Peter 3:9 https://netbible.org/bible/2+Peter+3
(3) Zacharias, R., & Geisler, N. L. (2003). Who Made God?: And Answers to Over 100 Other Tough Questions of Faith. Zondervan. [pg. 30]